Do you want to avoid the holiday nightmare?

We were five people in a little metal coffin heading for Germany, holiday expectations sitting at 9 out of 10. Family. Coziness. Books. A little to do, but not too much.

Christina and me. Three girls. A caravan that did not exactly grow the longer we drove. And rain. Hail, actually. For days.

It turned into a holiday that was a 4 out of 10.

Not because there was anything wrong with our family. Not because Germany is a bad country. But because there was an enormous gap between what I expected and what we experienced.

I call it the expectation gap.

Expectation + Experience = Wellbeing.

The wider the distance between your expectation and your actual experience, the worse you feel. The more the experience outdoes the expectation, the better. My camping holiday wasn't bad. My expectations were just far higher than reality could deliver.

Mary knew that gap well.

Her brother Lazarus was sick. She sent word to Jesus. He wasn't far away. She waited.

He came too late — or so she thought. Lazarus was dead. "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." (John 11:32)

The expectation gap at full strength. She expected healing. She experienced loss.

But Jesus was not late. He was about to do something far greater than she could imagine.

The expectation gap is not just a psychological problem. Sometimes it's the very place God is at work.

Here are three things I've learned:

1. Name the gap. Say it before you leave: "We have high expectations. Let's talk about them." Awareness is already half the solution.

2. Align expectations before you go. Sit down. Ask: "What are you dreaming about for this holiday? And what is the one thing you absolutely do not want to spend time on?" A short conversation can save a holiday.

3. A morning anchor. One small routine that follows you. A cup of coffee. A Bible verse. Something that reminds you who you are and whose you are, even when everything else is different.

"He lets me rest in green meadows, he leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my strength anew," (Ps 23:2-3)

He leads. Not me. Rest is a gift, not something we perform our way into.

And sometimes he leads down roads that look like a metal coffin in the German summer rain.

What's your best holiday advice? What have you learned that turns a holiday into real rest and not just a waiting room? Write it in the comments.

Lower the expectation.

Raise the openness.

Let God lead.