Shame Is the Weapon of the Lie

There is a difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt says: "I did something wrong."

Shame says: "I am something wrong."

Guilt can lead to repentance. Shame leads to isolation.

And isolation is exactly what the enemy wants.

It began in the garden.

When Adam and Eve ate from the fruit, their first reaction was not remorse. It was shame. They discovered they were naked, and they hid.

And when God asked Adam: "Where are you?" he answered: "I heard you in the garden and was afraid, because I was naked, so I hid."

Fear and hiding. Those two things always go together.

Three things happen when shame takes hold in a person.

Shame makes us cover up. Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together. We do it with perfect pictures on social media and with humor that keeps people at a distance.

Shame makes us attack. When God asked what had happened, Adam said: "The woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree." In other words: it was her fault. And Eve: "The serpent deceived me." We blame others because we fear being blamed ourselves. The more critical a person is toward others, the more shame they often carry themselves.

And shame creates distance from God. They hid from him among the trees of the garden. That is the core of shame: the conviction that God, if he sees us as we really are, will turn away.

But the gospel does something radical to shame.

Hebrews writes of Jesus that he "endured the shame and the death of the cross." He did not just take our guilt. He took our shame. What made Adam and Eve hide, Jesus walked into and carried.

And First John says: "God's perfect love drives out fear."

The opposite of fear is not courage. It is love. When God's love comes in the front door, fear goes out the back.

What is God's love, concretely? The Bible says it in four ways:

You are fully accepted. "By receiving his grace, we were accepted by God." (Titus 3:7)

You are unconditionally loved. "Mountains may be torn down and hills may topple, but my love for you will never be torn down." (Isaiah 54:10)

You are completely forgiven. "So there is now no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

You are of immense worth. "It cost him dearly to buy you back." (1 Corinthians 7:23)

These are not pious phrases. They are the ground you can stand on when shame says otherwise.

Shame lives in the dark. It grows in silence.

But it loses its power when we say it out loud to another person who meets us with grace instead of judgment.

James writes: "Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed."

Confession and healing belong together.

It takes courage to open up. It takes believing that the other person will stay with us, even when they see what we would rather hide.

And it takes a community that is safe enough for us to dare.

That is what the church was placed in the world to be.

Is there something you are ashamed of that no one else knows?

And what would happen if you told it to one person you trust?

Shame lives in the dark. But we live in the light.